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    January 23

    都过去了

    一年都已过去,上次的日志已经是07年3月,我不感慨时间怎么过的那么快,因为我也真没觉得它过得快,我只是不知道是怎么过的,我已经想不起来生活是怎么过来的,不过我却清醒的记得愁多乐少。我觉得我最近明白了很多东西,只是和人说说又没人可以理解。“永劫回归”!无论我曾经经历了什么,无论它是否美丽,是否荒谬,是否崇尚,是否恐惧,是否悲伤,只要是消失了,就会像影子一样毫无疑义。永劫回归,看起来失去了事物瞬时性带来的缓解环境,这种缓解难于定论,我只能凭借回想的依稀微光来辩释一切。这个世界赖以立足的基本点,是回归的不存在,因为在这个世界里,一切都预先被原谅了,一切皆可笑的被允许了。如果我生命是不断的重复,我会像耶稣钉于十字架一样被钉于永恒。那些一次性消亡的东西都已经没有意义,我的生命,我的生活,是一篇草稿,只可惜它只能是草稿,因为在我生命里的那些重复的太少,太多太多的只有一次,儿时依恋母亲的怀抱只有一次,小学无知的快乐只有一次,初中没有重压的玩耍只有一次,高中那些付出但没有结果的情感只有一次,大学的潇洒,紧张,放纵,打击,消沉只有一次,昨天的工作只有一次,都过去了现在那些只是我脑中的依稀回忆,没有任何意义,生命那?我来过了,但是我的生命太多的只有一次,生命也就没有意义,那么我来到这世上是否也跟没来过一样?

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